I’m not a real zombie! I swear! It’s just been a rough couple of months! No really. No one bit me that was zombie-esque. Although, that would explain a lot. You see what had happened was . . .
I morphed in February from God Mother to Mother. I think it was the conversation I had with God that night where I asked Him if He thought I should be a mom. I love the idea of having kids but I wasn’t 100% sure that I’m cut out for it. Sabes? I had my doubts you see. Watching kids for a few hours isn’t bad because you can give them back to their parents. But having them from start to finish, well thats a bit overwhelming. Did you ever feel that way?
What I miss most is my sleep. I look in the mirror at work and I see the dark circles and bags under my eyes. They weren’t there before. I know I look like a zombie but I’m not really. The looks I get say otherwise.
While it might sound like I’m complaining I’m not. God has answered my question. I am a mom, even though I have not birthed any children yet. I’ve had years of practice and now He’s preparing me for what’s to come. I see that now. I have found a strength, a will and a determination that I have not seen for some time. I hear Him loud and clear. You CAN do it. Plus you won’t do it alone, you have Daniel.
In this life, its easy to dream … we can all dream, all day long. Its a different thing entirely to make those dreams into a reality. Life has a way of shifting you off course but its really up to you to keep that dream in front of you. I had it written down.
I am a wife. I am a mother.
I wrote that every day. For months. Then one day I stopped. Daniel had come back into my life and I just knew. I’m so close to that dream today, of being a wife and a mother, that I can reach out and touch it. It’s solid under my finger tips. I’m not worried about that anymore.
I do worry that over the next month and half I might screw up. There are books out there to explain to expecting moms what they’ll expect … of their pregnancy, of the toddler years, of the terrible twos but i haven’t seen a book out there about becoming a mom to a teenager.
I think we’re beginning to find a rhythm, she and I. The music is playing slower now. I’ve found the beat and although I miss a step here and there, the dance has become more refined.
All this is to say that we ALL have things going on in our lives. We ALL get things that come at us that are unexpected. Life will always give us lemons but its what you do with them that shapes the rest of your day … your life. Lemons are actually quite good for you. They help detox your body of things you don’t need and helps keep you healthy. Think of your challenges like that.
If you see me out in public, please DO NOT shoot. I’m not a real zombie!
Do YOU ever feel like a Zombie? What do you do to get yourself moving forward towards your dreams?