I was at an event on Monday night and a friend of mine, whom I don’t see often, saw me and pointed to her ring finger. Where’s your ring? she mouthed to me. I shrugged my shoulders and mouthed back, Not yet. If I had a dollar for every time I had this conversation for the last ten years I’d be debt free! No lie! It’s coming soon though … you’ll have to talk to Daniel about that. No don’t, because it’ll happen when it happens. In the meantime though I’ll enjoy my single status and the freedom that it implies. I’ll embrace it and start saying my happy goodbyes.
In the meantime I’ve come up with five must dos BEFORE the wedding comes:
-
Enjoy your alone time.
I’ve gotten this advice from more than one person, enjoy your alone time. This is important to me because I spent so much time getting to know myself over the last 10 years. I went out to the movies alone. I went to restaurants with a party of one. I’ve gone into NYC for a day and did all the things on my list. When my schedule gets hectic, I always try to set aside time to just enjoy some peace and quiet. If you cannot be happy hanging out with yourself, how can you expect someone else to be happy in your presence? Plus there is the rhyme …first comes love, then comes marriage, AND then comes the baby carriage. Enjoy YOUR alone time! Do you like hanging out with yourself?
-
Pay down your debt.
It’s easy to accumulate debt. I know. In the process of putting myself through college, I racked up some serious debt. I was excited when I graduated with my degree until I couldn’t get a job in my field. At one point I was working three jobs to make ends meet. If you understand how credit cards work, you know that making minimum payments on a card will have you paying it down for years. If you have even a fraction of what I owe, then it’s in your best interest to pay it down. I personally do not want to start a marriage with debt and I don’t want you to either. Are you debt free?
-
Donate items you don’t need.
I bought a second coffee maker as a backup to the one I had in my dorm room, but I have yet to use it. I’ve purchased a lot of items over the years because they were on sale for a steal. I’ve had clothes in my closet that had price tags on them a year after being purchased. It was cute and on clearance. SCORE. A purchase here and there on a regular basis adds up. If you get rid of items now that you don’t need then you won’t have to do it later when you have to combine ALL of your stuff. The incentive is a tax deduction for you and the joy it’ll bring to someone who needs the item but is on a tight budget. Have you started your spring cleaning?
-
Exercise.
There are so many benefits to exercise. Your body will function better and LAST LONGER when you’re in good shape. Over the last few years, I have gotten so comfortable with Daniel, that I let my weight skyrocket out of control. I didn’t do it on purpose but I didn’t do anything to stop it from happening. When I literally started to feel the effects of all that extra weight I decided to do something about it. I see my parents in their old age and all the medications that they’re on to keep them stable; I don’t want to go through that. I want to enjoy marriage and my children when they come. Do you exercise?
-
Listen to your gut.
Our bodies are very aware of what we need AND what we don’t need. If we get a bad vibe from someone on the first date, there’s a reason. Many times we give the person another chance because we claim that we do not know them, but people show us who they are from the beginning. If something rubs you the wrong way, its time to move on. If the person you are with, whether it is serious or not, is saying off the bat that they are not looking for anything serious. Believe them. Listen to what they are saying and do not waste your time. If you’re a year in and the conversation shifts to your future, make sure you’re on the same page. If you can work together and compromise, GREAT! If not, I truly believe there are deal breakers. Yes you have invested all this time but imagine marrying someone and being miserable. I don’t want that for us. Let’s avoid that and listen to our guts, which is hopefully smaller after we’ve knocked number 4 off our list. LOL
I leave you with Beyonce’s Single Ladies… Ladies sing along and Fellas just enjoy 🙂
What advice would you give all the single people?
5 replies on “5 Must Dos Before ‘I Do’! #WeddingWednesday”
The advice I would give is this – he will not change. The things you do not like about him now, you will still be putting up with in 23 years. Don’t take on what is unacceptable now. It will not go away!
That is great advice @twitter-20311146:disqus definitely something to think about!
Well I do have very definite thoughts about this. I truly believe if you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you have been dating for several months you must simply say it. If the relationship is very compatible then ask for what you want. Sometimes a man will not propose for many reasons. At the end of the day, if you want to be married talk to him about it and find out what is his apprehension. If it is something you can work through do so. But waiting for that man to decide he is ready can have you waiting forever. You are wonderful, valuable, and desirable and yes you do have a shelf life.
I also think when we start to consider “time invested” we can get off track. If that relationship is good enough for you to invest time, it should be good enough for you to marry him. If one is investing time waiting for him to change, please pack your bags to leave. We know we are compatible early on and for those who wait for it to be right or good all they are doing is prolonging pain. This person is blocking your true soul mate that will promote your inner joy. The tragedy is not that you spent X amount of time and did not get married it will be that you spent X amount of time, got married and are now miserable because nothing has changed in fact it is worst.
Great post Arelis! Thanks for sharing.
Caroll you bring up two very important points. We do have an inkling right from the beginning of a relationship whether it has potential or it doesn’t. If we wait around waiting for the other person to change their mind, we’re wasting our time and its unhealthy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
[…] month I shared with you the question I get asked the most in 5 Must Dos Before ‘I Do’ and I got some great feedback. I am also happy to know that I am not alone in being asked […]