if only

the thought of you weighs down in my stomach like a cinder block and i’d rather throw a rock at you

you, the subject of so much focus, to finally it feels like its just one big joke

jokes that made me use to LOL

LOL that ended in tears

tears that wet my face but trust they never compromise my strength

yes i’m strong really deep down inside

off to the side now like a pile of books with no place to go

the bookshelf is full

full of enlightening ideas and  organized  thoughts                      

thoughts that wander like purple polka dotted kangroos

kangaroos that jump in and out of my subconscience mind

like rodeo clowns on pogo sticks trying to steal

cotton candy from kids that were engrossed in them

kids who lost their focus after the marching elephants

to return their eyes to the show where acrobats swing out in the air over what looks like thread

 and through the hole of the needle that leads outside into the night

tag teaming Red Riding Hood, so now she’s hopping on the tent

 into the sky up over the moon

 to grandma’s house she lands in the woods saying

 “why grandma what big eyes you have”,

and Grandma opens her mouth to eat her

and the fear of the girl is left in the book,

as its closed, the reader unable to continue

the emotion too much to bare

and in the end my thoughts still lie with you

so don’t be upset if i throw a rock at you