Today’s conversation about engagement rings is inspired by my recent long weekend into NYC. Daniel had asked me, over lunch that Saturday,
How many weddings did you say you were attending this year? Whether its one or six, we need to save as much money as we can. Am I right? The cost of a wedding can be expensive and we can recall from How to Budget when you get the NEXT Wedding Invitation. #WeddingWednesday, how the cost isn’t just in the gift. Travel costs, bachelor parties, and showers/stags are automatic additions to any wedding invitation that comes in the mail. What can put a damper on any budget is the cost to dress for the events and the happy couple’s special day.
When I got my friend’s invitation to her Bridal Shower, the instructions said “Dress to Impress… don’t forget your hat!” I envisioned a glamorous vision of pearls, red lipstick, and a fabulous black hat that Jennifer Lopez might wear. Notice what’s missing from my vision? What I couldn’t see was my dress. How many invitations have you gotten and you thought to yourself, what am I going to wear?
Last month I shared with you the question I get asked the most in 5 Must Dos Before ‘I Do’ and I got some great feedback. I am also happy to know that I am not alone in being asked “When are you getting married?” It seems that regardless, if you are single, involved with someone or married there seems to be a question being asked of you.
I was at an event on Monday night and a friend of mine, whom I don’t see often, saw me and pointed to her ring finger. Where’s your ring? she mouthed to me. I shrugged my shoulders and mouthed back, Not yet. If I had a dollar for every time I had this conversation for the last ten years I’d be debt free! No lie! It’s coming soon though … you’ll have to talk to Daniel about that. No don’t, because it’ll happen when it happens. In the meantime though I’ll enjoy my single status and the freedom that it implies. I’ll embrace it and start saying my happy goodbyes.
In the meantime I’ve come up with five must dos BEFORE the wedding comes:
I finally finished reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. I began a discussion about it a few months back in the post titled Should We Come with a WARNING Label? While the title may be explanatory it might make sense to revisit it.
I liked the research done about the topic of marriage. The different points of view of what marriage is and what makes it survive varied from country to country, but the one constant was the work that went into it. I believe that marriage should never be taken lightly and neither did Elizabeth.
There were many points in the book that I jotted down, but what I’d like to discuss with you today is what you think about marriage. Do you feel that marriage is giving up a piece of you?
‘…Robert Frost wrote that “a man must partly give up being a man” in order to enter into marriage – and I cannot fairly deny this point when it comes to my family. I have written many pages already describing marriage as a repressive tool used against women, but it’s important to remember that marriage is often used as a repressive tool against men, too. Marriage is a harness of civilization, linking a man to a set of obligations and thereby containing his restless energies…’ Pg 197
In all honesty, this idea of marriage being a repressive tool saddens me. I am not married yet. But I do not want to feel repressed and I do not want my husband to be to feel repressed either. I love his restless energies. I would hope that we could have a 50/50 relationship, where the responsibility of a marriage is not carried more by one person than the other. I know that we have our strong suits and I feel confident that we work as a team on virtually everything except for picking a restaurant. I do feel that the times have changed significantly, enough to say that the husband and wife no longer have assigned roles. What say you?