It seems like it was just yesterday that I was going to the gym almost everyday. I was addicted to exercise and I couldn’t get enough. …that was in 2009. Four years later and I long to be in that place again but I think I’m afraid to exercise. I close my eyes and I hurt. Did I push myself too hard? Did I do something wrong? Is my pain all in my head?

It’s just memories of pain yet they feel so real. If I push past them I can move. I can get going again. I can put my sneakers on and get excited again. I can wake up with out the alarm clock because my body knows what time it is.
I was sure I was on my way there again. I learned you had to wear socks when running. I was down for a week but I got back up again. I GOT BACK UP AGAIN! I switched my daily Venti Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappucino with a shot of espresso fix for a Tall Americano. I ate less junk and drank more water. I made healthy decisions and …and … I gained six pounds …

What’s the point? The point is I’m still obese and that’s NOT good. I’m back to square one and I am literally starting all over again. I know what it means if I don’t try. Drugs. Drugs to control my cholesterol. Drugs to control my highblood pressure. Drugs to control my diabetes. Drugs to give me more side effects. I don’t want that life for me. I have a future to look forward to and there’s no budget for prescription drugs! If I could get back on and stay on I know…

Have you ever had mental obstacles holding you back from getting healthy?

Until then,